APP was awesome! I got to see some many people I haven't seen in forever and made a few new friends, rekindled some old friendships and grew closer to some people. I also realized/remembered something, I have a ton of amazing people who are caring and understanding and supportive and who enjoy my company and want to spend time with me and I have never had to ask them to do any of these things. All I've had to do is be myself and that was enough. So I won't be begging anyone to make an effort to understand me or to trust me or be kind to me because, if a person really does love me and want to be in my life and have me in theirs, they'll do those things on their own and me being myself will be enough for them.
This weekend has been really amazing and at the same time kind of sad. I'll start with the amazing stuff first. My friend Erika came to visit me for a few days while on her way home from Portland to LA. We had so much fun! We went to Japan Town in San Francisco, we ate at Cafe Gratitude, Gracias Madre and Herbivore and we even had a chance to stop in and check out Rainbow Grocery! We had a great time in Japan Town looking at stickers and other cute little things that no one really needs. I generally always love Cafe Gratitude and Rainbow is the greatest grocery store I've ever been in. But I have to say that I was not impressed with Gracias Madre or by Herbivore's breakfast burrito. Some other friends are also up here visiting too, mostly just because they needed a place to stay while attending the Anarchist Book Fair but I always love having good positive people around me. I will be said to say goodbye to everyone when they leave today.
Now for the sad stuff. Katia and I are no longer together. She is a pretty private person when it comes to stuff like this so I won't give any details but I will say that we have both decided to stay in each others lives as friends and I am really happy about that. We had a lot of fun times together and she is a really wonderful young women.
The weather is getting better which means I'll be out on my bike more. I've come to hate driving once again although, I am grateful to have had the car while it has been raining so much.
The sun is out and it's amazing. I've been seeing old friends and making new ones. I'm excited to see what the next couple of months will have in store for me.
We just pretend for a while. But, the truth always comes out. Find someone who loves you. And if they push you to grow, make sure it's what you want. Make sure they take you where you need to be. No one ever really changes.
I spend so much time in between updates on here that I'm never really sure where to start... The structure of my life has been mostly the same through the last few months. Going to work, hanging out with Katia... My old roommate, Mike, and my friends Hector and Shannen came up from Southern California recently. We went to Souley Vegan twice, ate at Flaco's a few times and even went down to the Albany Bulb (twice, actually).
The first week of this year really flew by for me! I had made an attempt at updating this blog but I am both forgetful and without a computer of my own. New Year's Eve was great. The car I am borrowing from my parents had a flat tire and I was nervous about driving all the way to Napa on a spare so Katia and I went to San Francisco to visit some good friends of mine instead. We all hung out and watched the first two Back to the Future movies. Man, let me just take a moment to say that I forgot how terrible the second one is. Jesus Christ, it was bad. That weekend I had a ton of time off of work to basically sit around and relax with Katia. I had a lot of "me" time as well which was nice. It's been so long since I have really had nothing to do with my day and I admit that it has gotten to a point where I don't know what to do with free time. I'm sure with practice I'll get better at it. I don't know if I ever mentioned that there is a hole in my ceiling right above my bed and that my landlord said he wold come by and fix it but never did. So originally I wanted to move out but Jaiye and I have come to the agreement that we'll stay as long as I don't have to sign the lease when our current one expires. The rest of the week is sort of a blur. I opened everyday which means I was in around 7am and off by around 2:30pm but as I remember I wasn't getting a ton of sleep and was pretty tired everyday after work. Friday and Saturday nights Jaiye and Katia and some other friends and I went so some shows. First one at Gilman and the second was at Submission. I don't remember every band that played but I was pretty stoked to see Comadre and Punch two nights in a row. I'm ahead in my savings for a motorcycle! I have $850 saved which will be going toward a jacket and a helmet. This month I was supposed to have enough money saved to take riding lessons but it's looking like that may have to wait until next month, unfortunately. I'm trying not to stress about money though, I know everything will work out. I just need to be patient. Here are a few things on my 2011 to do list: Be Selfless - Katia recently brought to my attention the fact that at times I can be really selfish. This is actually a huge deal for me so I'm really trying to question my own motivation in doing things. Take things at face value - this is another one I've already started. I have a problem with analyzing every word and tone that does or doesn't come out of a person's mouth and I want to stop that. I will be less worried about money. I can always work more and get more money so there's no reason to be upset about spending it. I have a loving family, a wonderful girlfriend, a great job and some really amazing friends. I'll be fine! I also wanted to make an effort to update this page and my video blog more often but so far not having a computer of my own has put a bigger damper on that plan than I had originally thought. Be more controlled (or less clumsy) - When I was a kid I could hardly make it through a meal without spilling whatever I was drinking. It was funny for a while but in the last few years it's become something that I am pretty ashamed of. It seems like it got a lot worse a few years ago. Regardless of why I am this way, I just want it to stop so, I'm going to make an effort to be more aware of my surroundings and my actions. I'm sure I'll add to this list but it's good to have something in the beginning to work off of.
What's going on now: I've always been impressed that my grandma never measures anything while she cooks or bakes. Maybe the baking part is more impressive than the cooking part. Either way, I've given this a shot here and there throughout my life but recently I've decided to take it a little more seriously and try it a lot more often. I've been pretty happy with the results and I feel like I'm learning a lot more about why things are the way they are and that helps me to have a better understanding of things like troubleshooting. I'm also realizing how much easier some things are to make. For whatever reason, I was under the impression that making a good gravy is difficult but it's not at all. I freaking love gravy.
Christmas with the Family was wonderful. I'm really glad Katia came to Napa with me. I'm definitely getting sick and I think I'm actually feeling too exhausted to really write anymore... So I'll leave you with these two videos...
This is not directed toward one person and it's not about one instance. This stuff has been building up for years and I've finally decided to say something "publicly" about it. It's been bumming me out pretty hard lately how people assume things about my personality because they think I am "straight edge".
The majority of my friends drink and I love hanging out with them whether they are drinking or not. There are plenty of people in my life that smoke weed that are very dear to me. I love them just as much as I love any of my other friends.
It really hurts my feelings when people say things like, "Yeah, I totally would have invited you to hang out last night but we are all drinking." How about you invite me and let me decide what I am comfortable with?
If you've have bad experiences with self righteous straight edge kids that sucks and I'm sorry. When I was in High School I was kind of a dick about a lot of things and people smoking or drinking were some of those things, but that's not me any more. If you want to drink fine! If you want to smoke then go for it! And if you want to point out a time within the last few years that I was an asshole to you for the simple fact that you chose to make those things a part of your life, just try it.
Here's what I'm getting at - I don't care if you drink or smoke or whatever. I like hanging out. I like being invited to do stuff with friends. And it hurts a lot when my friends make false assumptions about me. It makes me feel like the people who say they are my friends have not actually take the time to get to know me. And it hurts a lot to be left out because I don't drink or smoke or whatever.
Like I mentioned in my last post, the 20th was Katia's birthday. Below is the cake I made for her. It's two layers of chocolate cake topped and filled with marshmallows (from Chicago Soy Dairy), fresh raspberries and what was supposed to be raspberry frosting. Probably the best looking cake I have ever made. I was kind of worried since I haven't made a cake in such a long time so I'm really glad she enjoyed it!
